Thursday, March 1, 2012

Time for “the talk”

Today, I’m feeling all powerful and knowledgeable.  Well, not really, especially since I tripped over the dog earlier today and fell flat on my backside onto the hardwood floor.  With a large kersplat of the cup of greek yogurt I was eating.  And now I fully understand why it’s called “hardwood”  Ouch. 

Guess we’ll be finding out if Frankie is lactose intolerant.  Because of course, she licked it all up in the 15 seconds it took me to realize I wasn’t dead or hadn’t broken a hip.  On the plus side, I don’t have any mess to clean up….Of course, one has to wonder if it wasn’t all part of her cunning plan to get at my yogurt?

At any rate, I don’t recall how the subject came up, but this morning, our token bus stop dad asked me about having “the talk” with my older kids.  Seems his second grade son has “questions.” 

I told him not to worry about it, cause the kids on the bus can fill the boy in on the details. 

For some weird reason, he thought it was better if it came from him.  Modern parents, hrmmph.

He thought it was important to answer his son’s questions factually, using the real words.  And for the most part, I agree, but with young children, that’s really not the emphasis.  They aren’t looking for an anatomy lesson.  They don’t care about sperm, or ovulation.  They usually just want to know how the babies get into the mommy, and they want to know how they get out of the mommy.  And they want to know in 25 words or less.  Really that’s all. 

With my kids, I’ve just answered their questions in simplistic terms.  Believe me, if you aren’t imparting enough information, they will ask more questions.  My six year old’s focus right now is on how the babies get out.  So I did what all good modern parents do in this situation….I bought her a book. 

Yes I did.  I bought her a book with a cute cartoon bisection of a baby in the womb, and a cute cartoon depiction of the birth process.  This along with an explanation of the “special opening” mommies have in their private parts for the babies to come out was all she needed.  She was satisfied.  And now all her dolls are pregnant, with tiny stuffed animals under their shirts.  Every once in awhile, one of them will drop out, and voila, a new life enters the world. 

At the risk of raising the ire of feminists worldwide…not once did the words penis or vagina enter into the conversation.  Sure, she knows those words.  She knows the penis is a boys private part, and the vagina is a girls private part.  She hasn’t asked any more about it, so I’m not volunteering more.  (K.I.S.S.) – keep it simple, stupid.

When she wants to know more, I feel quite certain she’ll ask.  Children are very good at asking questions.  Oh yes they are !!

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